I have been nursing this ill feeling since I heard news about earthquakes, volcano, tsunami. Again, the memories and emotions I had during the flood came back. I am very afraid of the future. I am very afraid of the things that may come.I want to cry.. just like last year.. I so needed to cry.. to let my fear out.. You know how hard it is to be a mom. You always worry for your kid’s safety. I know things are inevitable but I wish hard that when something happens, I am right beside each of my child. That’s the problem of having a lot of kids. You can be killed so many times and the feelings will always be the same.. it will hurt like hell.

Call it paranoia or whatever you want to call it but my body is shaking from the thought that something will happen and any of my kid will be hurt. I cannot bear the thought of it. Why is this happening?

My heart is so heavy…I wish I can a supermom that can protect them from any harm..
I tell you.. this is the same feeling I had when we were trapped in our house for days.
Maybe I am still shocked.. please tell me there will be no disaster again.

excuse me.. i am going to cry. 

Dear _____,

For some reason, I never liked you… you are too lucky. have you done something great in your past or something bad will happen in your future? (I prefer the latter) Why do you have to be so lucky?

Darn..

But.. why should I feel this towards you when in fact I am waaaay luckier than you.

I have four adorable kids. I have a life. I have friends. true friends.

And I have a fantastic husband.

OK, I pity you now.