Being a good care provider for your parents is more complex than you may think. Many people believe it’s about attending to a parent’s needs, but it’s actually more about considering the options, making the right decisions, and, ultimately, doing what’s best for everyone involved.

Encourage Independence

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If you have a parent who is able to continue living at home, and wishes to remain there, or even if your parent has moved in with you and yet is still active and healthy enough to undertake some day-to-day tasks by themselves, then by all means encourage independence as much as is reasonably possible. While medical conditions and general issues relating to advancing age can contribute to a lower quality of life, one of the primary factors in degradation of the elderly is simply giving up.

It may start with you doing the weekly shopping for your parents, or cooking them dinners – nice gestures, of course, but potentially bad for their physical and mental health. When the elderly are capable of doing things for themselves, they should. Instead of doing everything for a parent, perhaps find ways that help them live more independently. Consider going shopping together, for example, or installing mobility aids around the home which make it easier for them to get from the bedroom or living room into the kitchen to rustle up some lunch. Even the smallest change can make a massive difference to how your parents carry out their everyday life.

Consider Different Care Approaches

It’s important to remember that the term ‘caring’ doesn’t necessarily mean that you become the sole provider for your parents. What the term does mean, however, is that you provide care in a way which benefits them. This may mean visiting a few times per week, it may mean moving a parent into your home, or it may even mean arranging for professional assistance or care home residency. If you have a parent who requires a level of care that you are unable to provide, then arranging for alternative forms of care isn’t abandonment or selfishness, it’s simply providing care in a different way to what we normally associate with the term. There are many different care approaches out there to suit different families and to meet the varying requirements of individuals. Caring for someone is doing what’s best for them.

Take a Break

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To be a good carer for your parents, you need to stay happy and healthy yourself, and this means taking regular breaks, having some ‘me’ time, and recharging your batteries. Caring may not be particularly strenuous work physically, but it can be exhausting emotionally – not only might you find yourself busy all day long, but seeing a parent require help when you’re used to parents being the strong ones and looking after you can be quite upsetting and difficult to deal with.

There are three main ways that you can arrange for alternative care arrangements on a temporary basis. The first is an informal method which involves another family member taking over your duties. This method is ideal for carers who provide minimal assistance, and who have close family members nearby. However, if you provide a more significant level of care, or do not have anybody you could ask to help out, you can arrange for a community care assessment, or a carer’s assessment, through your local council or social services. Respite care may either take the form of home carers visiting the premises or a temporary stay in a residential home, depending upon the level of care required and the options available through your local council.

Speak Up When Your Role Changes

Believe it or not, it’s OK to change your mind with regards to how you care for a parent. For example, you may have agreed to provide care to a parent who suffered with minor mobility problems or mild forgetfulness. However, if a parent has subsequently deteriorated, or been diagnosed with a degenerative condition, your role as a carer may change beyond what you had anticipated. As a child, we think it’s our job to care for our parents in old age, and it’s certainly our job if we want it, but it’s important to place boundaries, both for our sake and our parent’s sake. If a parent suddenly requires help with intimate care, for example, we have to not only consider if this is something we feel we can do, but also if it’s something our parents would feel comfortable with. Rather than outsourcing all care, you could arrange for a professional carer to carry out anything you’re uncomfortable with, and continue to look after your parent in other ways.

Know What You’re Entitled To

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Providing care for a parent is something that benefits the country greatly, and helps leave spaces in residential and nursing homes for those who require a more significant level of care, or who do not have friends or family members to help out, so the government is committed to rewarding carers for their efforts. It’s also recognised that providing care can impact a person’s ability to work, and that income may be affected by home care. Carers may be entitled to financial assistance in the form of carer’s credit (for those providing at least 20 hours of care per week) or carer’s allowance (for those providing 35 hours or more per week).

Carer’s credit takes the form of ‘free’ national insurance contributions, which can help you draw additional state pension during retirement. Carer’s allowance, on the other hand, is in the form of monthly payments. You don’t need to live with your parents to be eligible, and full time carers will receive £61.35 per week (as of 2014). To apply for financial help, ask for the DS700 form from the Department of Work and Pensions.

This guest post is supplied by Harold H Rigby, a lifestyle writer making it easy for the elderly and their families to lead happy and healthy lives.