Parenting Archive

My thoughts on parenthood, and what it's like to be a mom in the Philippines.

How Do You Define Gay?

One time my second son was asking my permission to let him play his DS lite. Our running policy is I would only let them play at a certain time. It was not their “play time” yet and so I say NO. He says ” Bad Boy Mommy!” and goes on with his tantrums. I was shocked when my first born utter that his brother say Mommy is gay. Mommy is what? Yes you heard it right. Gay. Gay as in bisexual. It was nothing to me because I love gay and I love being one. I may not be biologically gay but I know I am gay. What shocked me is how he came up to that conclusion. So, I inquired, explained to him that Mico (the second son) did not say gay, he said bad boy mommy, not gay. Kayil (first born) replied (in an almost ready to eat me manner), that indeed Mico called me gay.Mico said, bad boy Mommy, when in fact Mommy is a girl! Get it?

After some time, I asked Kayil what gay means. According to him, gay is a mixture of boy and girl. Quite.

Those instances made me think (and think hard) how can I explain what gay is, without giving them the perception that gay is bad (because I know it is not). How can I give them a definition that would explain that beyond the abnormal perception of our society, gay is perfectly normal. How can I tell them about gay without giving too much encouragement to be one. Yes, I know there is nothing wrong with being one but as much as possible I don’t want them to be one. As a mother I cannot face the trials and the hard ships they have toe endure just to prove their worth. I cannot share to them my struggle as a woman. I do not wish for them a life of forever proving yourself.

To end this, I once again asked my first born what gay means and if it is a bad thing. According to him, if you are not gay and somebody told you, you are, it’s a bad thing. Asked what if it’s a gay and somebody told him he is, he says, it’s perfectly fine, he is gay anyway. So I guess I don’t have to worry yet, to them being one is perfectly normal. I hope it stays that way.

Ways To Be A Fun SAHM

As I have said before, being a Stay At Home Mom is not a blissful ride. It was bumpy and sometimes you go through downfalls and depressing state. I was able to pass those phase by having fun along the way. I have some doubtful moments with my motherhood but it was the laughter that brings back my trust on myself.

Here are some of the things that you can do to take that wrinkles away from you and be a fun stay at home mom:

Play with the kids. Yes, play with your kids. It’s childish and it’s fun. It takes the barrier between parent and offspring and yet it build a greater kind of bonding. It can make you younger too and laughter can keep that frown wrinkles away. The best time to play with them is before they go to bed. Bedroom is cozy and very inducive for a tickle party.

Make bath time, fun time. Don’t stress yourself too much when it takes them forever to sit so you can shampoo their hair. Don’t bicker at them when they accidentally pour some water on you. Instead of stressing your self too much, why don’t you join their childish way of taking a bath.

Let them baby you. We love this. I would lay down at the sofa while the kids take care of me. We would pretend that Mommy is the baby and one of them is Daddy and the other is the doctor. It was so much fun speaking like a baby. And they enjoy it too, specially the part where I feed on bottle (yes I do that at times for the sake of our play pretend).

Dance with them. I am not a good dancer but I use dancing to sweat out some carbs. When I dance reggae, they do reggae with me. When I do swing they are my partner. Have you seen three people doing the swing?

And when all else fails, the very minute they close their eyes (to sleep), take their PSP or DS lite and play your favorite game (mine is Mario)

How about you? What are your ways to be a happy stay at home mom?

Insecurites Of A SAHM

It was not hard for me, being a stay at home mom. This has been my dream ever since, remember my flashback photo? It feels like I was destined to be a full time mom. That’s not always the case though. There was a time when I feel like motherhood is my scape goat. To put it simply, I was insecure. I was depressed with what I am. I thought, I chose to be a mom because that’s the easiest thing to do. You don’t require high grades to be good at it. You don’t need a diploma to be qualified as one. It was depressing thinking about it. As if adding insult to injury, lack of social interaction made it worse.

Are you a stay at home mom like me? Here are some of the reason why I was insecure before and tell me if you have been to this phase too:

Lack of social interaction makes me feel like I do not belong. There was a time that talking becomes really hard for me. It feels like I could not express myself that much and ideas are not flowing anymore. In other words, my brain was not functioning to think.

Being a stay at home mom prevents me from going outside thus I don’t dress that much. I don’t shop because I thought there is no use to it. How can I buy a nice shoes or a cool bag if in fact the farthest I was away from the house is 2 meters (and that is to hang wet clothes).

The job is tiring and frustrating. This is the hardest of it all. Here I am, thinking, momhood is the only career I have and I am failing. There are really times that I can’t do anything about the kids. I can’t soothe them, I can’t be there for them and the idea of me being their mom and yet I can’t do anything is a killer.

Of course all of this are way behind me now. I’m done with this phase and I can say that I passed it with flying colors. Now, I know that this job is the hardest, most fulfilling and highest paid (hey, smiles and I love yous are the most precious thing) job in the world. I am very proud to say that I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM. I learned that a successful mom is all about FUN. And how to keep that fun inside the house? We’ll talk about that later 🙂